6 Days In

This past weekend Brittany and I spent our first night away from Rose. We took a trip to downtown Mobile, AL for our anniversary, and she stayed with Brittany’s parents for the entire day on Saturday and most of the day on Sunday. It was great to get away and spend alone time with the love of my life and best friend.  It was also a nice break for both of us to have no responsibilities and to explore a new area. Well, almost no responsibilities. Even though we were without the Little One, Brittany still had to pump. We knew Rose eats a lot, but this is the first time Brittany has pumped and stored the entirety of the supply for this long of a time. It’s amazing how someone so small can drink so much milk. We managed, but were not prepared for how much extra we needed to pack away. We even made a trip to Academy Sports to check out their ice chest options. Brittany will be traveling for her job and make a lot of day or two trips, so we’re exploring options for her to keep in the car to battle against the southern Louisiana heat. Brittany has done a lot of research on it, but I guess we still haven’t found the one.

It’s been almost a week since I’ve officially been a stay-at-home dad, and since Rose rolled over, keeping us from using her swaddle. Getting her to fall asleep, and stay asleep, used to be easy, especially during the early morning feed somewhere between 1am and 3am. It has been almost a week since that changed too. She will be out cold in my arms until the instant I move her away to put her in the crib. Sometimes she fusses and I can get her down with just a little coaxing from her pacifier. However, other times it’s as if she becomes possessed by something and just won’t. stop. crying.

The day before our weekend getaway trip was the most difficult one so far. I haven’t been that tired, mentally or physically, in a long time. She would not cooperate with naptime, completely missing two consecutive times either from crying through it or refusing to go down at all. Nothing I knew how to do worked, and nothing worked twice. I have never felt anything quite like this frustration meets helplessness combined with sadness and doubt. She also learned a couple different crying sounds and styles to dig into my heart even deeper. heh.

All of the negative feelings, emotions and struggles can be overwhelming at times.

But I have also never experienced this feeling of contentment. Whether it’s during the day or after a 3am feeding, whenever our Little One is on my chest, head tucked under my chin, holding her arms by my neck, I am overwhelmed in an entirely unique way. I never imagined how deep and how far and how intensely I could love someone.